.VINTAGE- [[``corr'aine*++//(())

.Wednesday, April 23, 2008 ' 9:29 PM Y

blogged

I once thought that I am strong, that no matter what happens, I know I will not break, I know I will not succumb to pressure, I know I will not go on the path of self destruction; that is why I never understood why people can get depression - I thought it was a matter of will - I had felt that people who are depressed are depressed because they are weak, as in that they succumb to pressure, that they themselves allowed that to happen, that they themselves, their will and determination is the cause of the problem. To stretch it a little further, I remember I still promised myself never to commit suicide ever, and I remain true to that statement.

But today, it is with a different mentality that I write this entry. No, I haven't changed my opinion that depression is a matter of will. But as much as it is a matter of will, it is also a matter of limits. Not that limits we do in Calculus class (because that's the first thing that came into my mind), but the limit of our tolerance on things, on issues, mentally and psychologically.

I've been feeling depressed this past few days, and honestly I don't even know what hit me.
What it was because of, I have no idea. I do not know if I truly do not know, or if this is my mind's act of repression (as we all learn in Psychology class), or if there really is nothing wrong and that I am merely thinking wayyyy too much (as my friends all like to point out), or that.. I don't know... These are the possibilities I thought of. There might have been a fourth option, but I forget..

It's not even that I am dangerous, because honestly, I am not. Like I said, I disallow myself to be dangerous and I am staying true to that belief. Come on, being socially responsible is the least I can do. Which brings me to a point (again), that, seriously though, what right do I have to say that "being socially responsible is the least I can do" when I don't think I ever did anything that is totally socially responsible - now I kind of sound like a hypocrite. Kind of, just kind of.

Like today, for no apparent reason in Physics class, I was way more edgy than usual. It was as if I am on a short fuse (however that expression about short fuse goes ... =.=). Yeah. Honestly, I was secretly happy when I got to explain the problem on the board (ahahhah, narcissistic egoistic me) but yeah, when after the explanation I came back to my seat, Weiting was like, 你生氣了嗎？ Um.. no, I'm not angry. But yeah, see what I mean? I apparently looked and sounded angry... heeeuuuuhhh..

Then again, at dinner, I was so easily irritated and I kind of "scolded" Kai, as usual, but just more "serious" than usual, just a tad bit more. Hahah. But 他真的很白目. Jonathan was saying how nowadays I'm in a bad mood. Aww, I actually totally appreciate that and was secretly happy that somebody noticed, that they know. I guess, it kind of gives me comfort knowing somebody cares. And well in this case, there were quite a bit of them, so thank you thank you thank you :D Ahh.

Okay, I started writing this post with the thought of attempting to write an essay-style kind of thing. Apparently that's not really working out. But I can so totally imagine this with a little revamp. Hahahaah. Oh well.

Anyway, the library is going to chase out people soon. So I gtg.
Urghs that reminds me, Wellesley doesn't have a 24-h library!!!!!! Arrrggggghhh!!! Wwwwwwhhhhyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!~ That reminds me, Rice's library is soo cool haahah. Anyway, my school's internet is gay. It keeps connecting and disconnecting and now MSN just keeps signing me on and off and on and off and it's irritating coz I have to go click that OK button thing everytime it signs me off due to some "error". Bleargh. And I've been doing this since study hall started, which was like 2 h ago. So yeah. I had quite abit of finger exercise. Bleragh. Urghs. Man, I can't even spell "bleargh" right. Belragh. See waht I mean? *what

Sighh.
Aiiiiihhh~

Ah, so many things to do.

c'est moiY

Corinna Kasiman
Eighteen
Cheshire, Connecticut
Northampton, Massachusetts

Oh oui, j'adore la France!Y

les choses que je veux:
+?
les classes que je veux prendre:
+Music
+Neuroscience
+Japanese
+French
Smith
:: English
:: Calculus
:: Biology
:: French
:: Ballet
la musique que je veux jouer:
+Mozart Piano Sonata in A Minor
ceux pour qui je veux travailler:
+Ghibli Studio!
+piano? a concert pianist? perhaps? perhaps?
mes intérêts:
+Piano
+Music
+TV dramas
(mainly Japanese and Korean ones)
+Surfing random websites
+identifying puns
(and other literary wits)
+lenguajes (haha!)
+LINGUISTIKOS!
+singing
+囲碁
+storieesss:D
mon veut:
+Finish my play!
+make a Flash video out of my play/story and drawing the scenes and composing the music for them
je veux être comme:
+梅沢由香里 for her 囲碁 awesomeness
+新海元 from "Good Luck" for
remembering himself in spite of
everything
+Vitus from "Vitus" for being a brilliant
genius
+カイ from "ピアノの森”

projets en cours
+Cell Division (Yale Med Ob/Gyn)
06/07~08/07
+Project "Angelic Layer"
on hold
+Play/Story
05/08~current

parler de tout et de reinY

les créditsY

Designer:D
photobucket
Dafont
Background
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